To many, being a celebrity seems like a dream job. Instead of living life behind a desk, celebrities indulge themselves in the artistic freedom that so many of us gave up. They travel from city to city, country to country, supported by cheering crowds; the best of the best even get immortalized with trophies and awards. Biopics and halls of fame preserve their legacy for generations to come while they sit back and retire in mansions full of money.
If they get to live such a great life, many are left asking: Why can’t they show a little gratitude? This is the question that has been drawing increased attention for the last few years. One rising star, in particular, has made headlines about her “rude behavior” and “ungrateful attitude.” You're probably already thinking of her name right now. Say it with me: Chappell Roan.
For those who missed the hubbub, Chappell Roan has sparked controversy over her firm boundaries with fans and the press. In one , she says, “I don't agree with the notion that I owe a mutual exchange of energy, time or attention to people I do not know, do not trust or who creep me out—just because they're expressing admiration.”
At the core, all this fuss comes down to one question: Does liking someone make them indebted to you? Some might think so. But my opinion is this: If you’re asking the previous question, you probably don’t really like them. After all, a healthy relationship never functions out of debt.
You see, our culture has twisted our view of “liking” to mean obsession and control. It's all over the media. Our generation was raised on “Fifty Shades of Grey” and BookTok. We’ve absorbed the harmful belief that love is dominating. We think jealousy and passion make it OK to cross boundaries; in fact, we promote it. If your version of liking involves wanting to manipulate the actions of a celebrity, you don't like that celebrity; you’re simply infatuated with the picture of them that you’ve created in your head.
Really liking someone means always wishing them the best, while simultaneously respecting their choices and desires. If your favorite celebrity loves to do streams and chat with fans like old friends, that's great! If they love it when fans approach them on the street, that's wonderful! However, if they decide they don’t feel comfortable exposing every aspect of their lives to the public, that is something we must respect. If they were formerly comfortable but change their minds, we must respect that too. If they are OK with some interactions but not others, that's something to respect. Is this sounding eerily similar to another conversation, like say, I don’t know: consent? This should be ringing some bells.
Right now, you may be thinking, “But they chose to be famous!” This common line of thought is that signing up to be a celebrity means learning to appease your fans. After all, you owe them. I’m not saying celebrities shouldn’t be grateful. However, I am saying that just because celebrities have previously tolerated public abuse doesn’t mean they should continue to.
Picture this: Your mailman is your favorite person in the world. He always handles your packages with care and pets your dog before he leaves. In fact, you like him so much that you write a glowing letter about him to his company. But one day, he calls in sick. When you don’t see him at the mailbox, you call his company, furious that he let you down. Another time, you notice that he also pets your neighbor's dog, and it makes you feel completely betrayed. As he drops off your packages, you start demanding he tell you his views on politics. When you want a letter delivered at 3 a.m., you wonder how he could be so ungrateful as to not deliver it for his most supportive client!
It sounds ridiculous. And yet, we have the perception that those who take part in the arts should be willing to accept such treatment. Being a celebrity is also a job, just like being a mailman. The truth is that we are using celebrities to supplement the relationships we are missing in our daily lives. During COVID-19 especially, these personalities were some of the only people we saw daily. Even now, it's only natural to feel attachment to someone you regularly watch and support. I’m not immune: I’ve gone to my fair share of concerts, collected my own fan merch and cried at the deaths of those famous people with whom I felt a connection.
Nevertheless, we must learn boundaries. Liking does not mean controlling. Rather than expecting an apology from Chappell Roan, maybe we should be thanking her for changing a toxic industry standard. Perhaps we should be apologizing to her.
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of Andrews University. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, Andrews University or the Seventh-day Adventist church.